Well, my oldest graduated this month and started a full time job for the summer. His first full time job. I can hardly believe he is old enough to work 40 hrs per week like a grown man would work. He is capable. His dad has always modeled a good work ethic for him. I am blown away at how quickly he has reached this point in life. He was my first baby. The one that taught me about a love that is so fierce that it is hard to explain. The one that made me want to have a whole house full of children. The one that I call the experiment child. I have learned a lot from him through the years. We have gone through all the phases of childhood with this boy and have come out on the other side. The side where he is considered to be an adult. The day that I did not want to come to fast but it did anyway. Guess what? I enjoy this stage too. I like the person he is becoming. I enjoy his company and like talking to him. Oh, I miss the little boy that he was but am really liking the man he is becoming. I am proud of him. I pray that he will always walk with the Lord. I pray that when he goes off to college in the fall  he will find a church to call his own and will continue to grow his faith.I love this boy/man. I look forward to seeing what he becomes. The Lord has great plans for him I am sure.

Green Toes

We have been teaching Matthew to mow the yard. He is getting quite good at it too. Hard for me to believe he is old enough for that but as Jon frequently reminds me he was mowing at that age. This week was Matthew's second time to mow the whole yard. He began to get frustrated trying to mow around the swing set. So I go out and help him mow around it.
        A bit later Lauren had a doctor appointment. So I grab the baby, the sippy cup, my phone, and my purse. Even have the insurance card with me. Had even managed to take Matthew to his allergy shot early that morning.  So we get to Lauren's appointment and manage to be a few minutes early. I am feeling quite accomplished to be able to pull off a busy day like that and still show up at an appointment on time and unflustered. Usually I come flying in at the last minute flustered and forgetting something.
       We did not have to wait very long before they came for us. So we are sitting in the room talking and waiting. The lighting in the room is awesome. I happen to look down at my feet and low and behold GREEN TOES! I helped Matthew mow in my sandals. Yep green toes and green toe nails. I am pretty sure everyone who saw me thought I had a strange fungus growning on my toes. It just goes to show that I will never have it all together. I will never be one of those super got it together kind of people. Oh well, I enjoy my messy fly by the seat of my pants life. It works for me.

The Rain

So glad for the pretty weather today after yesterdays rain and storms. I have never been a big fan of the rain. It is wet and gloomy and tends to leave a big muddy mess. I will say that my mom loved the rain. Seems like she said something about it making everything seem so clean. I never could figure that out. She was the type that probably would have danced in the rain and had a blast doing so. I see the rain differently now that my mom is gone. Before I thought it was a necessary evil we had to endure. Yes, I know we need rain. Sometimes it is just very inconvenient. Now? Now when it rains I take a moment and pause and smile and remember that my mom enjoyed a good rain shower. It makes me take the time reflect and try to find a little pleasure  in the rain. It gives me  pleasure to think that she may be dancing in that very rain shower in a new body that does not hurt. Maybe the rain is cleansing....cleansing for the soul and mind as well as the earth. Love ya, mom. Hope you enjoyed the rains this week.

The lasts

Matthew competed in his last boat race through cub scouts. He was very sentimental about it and very sad about it. He had us take lots of pics so he could keep reminders of it. In the fall he will begin his last year of cub scouts. He told me he does not want to move up. He wants to stay a cub for longer.
I totally understand. He is my last cub scout. I would totally like to freeze time.
 
There are so many lasts in this life..the last baby, my last year to homeschool Jon, his last year of highschool, the last year before the kids get into double digits, and so on.
Also the lasts that you don't know are gonna be your last. The last Christmas or mothers day with your mom or gandma, the last time you will see someone, the last time your child will come to you with a booboo or the last time they will snuggle on your lap. Those things sneak up on you. Suddenly you realize that your child does not sit on your lap anymore. I totally understand Matthews feelings. Lasts are hard. Lasts are bitter sweet. Life is full of lasts. I too wish I could slow down time, somehow be warned of all the lasts so I can take a minute stop everything and really savor the lasts.
By the way. He won his boat race. The icing on the cake for him to make it really unforgettable.

Bessie and her Grammy

My mom has been real heavy on my mind for about the last week. Today  I looked at my children and remembered all the good times they had with my mom. I remembered her giving the kids cow bites. I remembered her looking at the night sky with the older kids. I remembered her going camping with us. I remember her rock hunting with the kids at the lake. I remember her painting with the older kids, sewing with Lauren. I remember all the wiener roasts, the smores, and the backyard fires. I also remember her holding Bessie, tickling her feet, playing with her. The older kids all have these wonderful memories of their grammy. I have all these wonderful memories of her. Not Bessie...Bessie is so missing out on such a wonderful grammy. She will never remember her grammy and how much she loved her. Even though she does look at her picture and say grammy, I know she does not really know who grammy is. It is very sad for me to think that she will never have those good times with her grammy. One thing she will know is how much her grammy loved her. I will make sure she knows because I will never forget. Not ever.

The End of an Era

               After nursing 5 babies for a collective total of just over 8 years I have now come to the end. The end of infants, the end of midnight feedings, the end of being the total source of food for my babies, the end of precious, quiet moments. Moments that are so special where mama and baby  bond. Moments where I as the mama can provide something for my children that no one else can. Moments I cherished and moments I looked forward to during each pregnancy. Moments that will never again be. As I look back on it, I do remember times when I found it to be convenient but there did come a time with each child where I knew the time had come to stop nursing. I prepared for it. I planned the when and how to of it. I had time to adjust to the idea...until this time...I knew we were getting close to the time to stop. I was ready....I was beginning to formulate a plan. However I did not have the plan in place yet. I had thought I would nurse a little while longer. I was having surgery and knew that it would be to hard to deal with the all night fight of going to sleep and staying to sleep without nursing. The day of surgery came and I found it easier to sleep in the recliner. I was tired, groggy and on pain meds and my hubby decided to put Bessie to bed. To my  shock she went right to bed for him. WHAT!? No nursing, no crying to nurse, no nothing. She never goes to bed that easy for me. Night two comes and he decides to try again and again she goes right to bed for daddy. We had a little resistance this time but not enough for me to go and "rescue" my little princess. So after seeing her make it for 2 days, I decided to just be done. Now she fought a little when I went back to putting her to bed and we still have to work hard to get her to settle down at night but it has been over two weeks. So there you go. Her daddy got to formulate the plan. I will miss this era of my life but my little Bessie Rose is doing fine and I am too. sniff sniff